


Dimensions

by lazykawaaa



Series: songs of soulmates [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Feels, Bittersweet, Boys In Love, Emotional Hurt, Growing Up, Heartache, Heartbreak, How Do I Tag, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Not Beta Read, Pain, Regret, Slice of Life, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 15:21:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29191473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lazykawaaa/pseuds/lazykawaaa
Summary: a bokuaka oneshot inspired by the lyrics from "White Ferrari" by Frank Ocean.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji & Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Series: songs of soulmates [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2137056
Comments: 1
Kudos: 2





	Dimensions

“Akaaasshhiiii!”

He wails as he shakes the setter by his shoulders. He gets a tired response.

“What is it now, Bokuto-san?”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

He racks his brain for what Bokuto could be talking about, he already mentioned the cute girl who was cheering for him during the game. After coming up with nothing, he answers.

“What are you referring to this time?”

“Your birthday!”

“Oh.”

“Oh?! That’s all? Actually, maybe I deserve the cold shoulder...Please forgive me Akaashi! I am the worst senpai ever!”

And suddenly he is hiding behind the volleyball cart sulking. As the rest of the team let off pained groans, he makes his way over to crouch down beside him. He doesn’t like what he’s about to say, but it’s the only way to save the rest of this practice and they have an important match coming up.

“I didn’t tell you because it was on a weekend and I always celebrate with my family as a tradition. I was going to mention it after our match as an excuse to go get a nice dinner.”

He seems to mull it over for a minute before giving a muffled response.

“You still could’ve told me, I would’ve at least called to tell you happy birthday. I mean c'mon Akaashi, it was your Sweet 16.”

He feels a vein pop out the side of his neck and hears the suppressed chuckles behind him. Nonetheless, he swallows his pride.

“It was only my Sweet 16, how was I supposed to know anything? You’re the senpai here, Bokuto-san.”

And he immediately pops up, nearly toppling over the volleyball cart in the process. There’s a collective breath let out as Bokuto bounces back.

“That’s right! Don’t worry Akaashi, from now on, I will take extra special care to remember all of my kouhai’s birthdays. I will mark yours in my calendar now!”

He rushes off to scramble around in his bag for his phone, leaving Akaashi to turn away to hide the light blush on the tops of his ears.

~~~~~

“Bokuto-san, I thought you said that you’ve been here before.”

Rubbing the back of his neck, he grins nervously as he responds.

“I have...when I was like… nine?”

He really isn’t surprised, but he doesn’t exactly look forward to getting lost at a crowded festival. As he begins to look around for some kind of map, two kids chasing each other barrel towards him. Before he can get hit, he feels a hand clasp around his arm, effectively pulling him to be pressed against a strong chest while the other arm holds him securely on his upper back. The kids pass and the original hand only slides down to intertwine their fingers. He looks up into confident yellow eyes to watch them brighten before the man speaks.

“Don’t worry Akaashi, I’ll keep us safe. Just stick by me.”

And the hand holding his gives a light squeeze.

“Close by me.”

And his smile widens with pride. He can’t help but return it with a soft grin of his own as he easily accepts the comfortable contact.

They spend the night aimlessly wandering hand in hand, stopping by any stands or games that pique their interests (mostly Bokuto’s). They eventually make their way to the carousel and Akaashi is grateful to get off his feet and unwind a bit. As he often does, he questions how Bokuto is able to bounce from place to place without rest. When they settle into their seats, he decides to voice his thoughts.

“Bokuto-san, how do you do it?”

His eyebrows shoot up before morphing down into a confused manner.

“How are you so spirited? You seemingly always have the energy to live to your heart’s content.”

His expression changes into a thoughtful one and he thinks that he’s offended him when a little too much time passes for his liking. Opening his mouth to apologize for the intrusiveness, he’s interrupted.

“Basic takes its toll on me, eventually.”

Now his own eyebrows raise in response but Bokuto just laughs and continues.

“It’s like, it’s harder for me to repress how I feel versus just letting it all out. I don’t like the thought of being just like anyone else you know? I don’t want to be mediocre, I want to be myself.”

He’s taken off guard by the depth of his answer and he can only hum in reply. But he seems unphased by his lack of response and quickly shifts gears. Suddenly, he’s pouting.

“I wish I could come off as cool as you though Akaashi. You have everything figured out all the time I’m jealous.”

“That’s not true, I may seem that way, but I hardly have anything figured out.”

“Well, what do you have figured out right now?”

He asks the question innocently enough, but he can pick up on the subtle underlying meaning to it. _How do you feel about me though?_ He can’t hide his gentle smile as he speaks, appreciating the fact that only he knows the vulnerable side to one of the nation’s top 5 spikers. 

“I care for you still and I will, forever.”

And he’s grinning like he just pulled out a puppy, or a kitten, or any kind of baby animal really because Bokuto is obsessed with all of them.

“That was my part of the deal.”

Now his eyes are watering.

When he speaks next, it’s with nothing but conviction, erasing any lingering doubt in the other’s mind.

“Honest.”

Two safe arms envelop him and he thinks to himself that he only feels remarkable when he’s with Bokuto.

~~~~~

He’s been avoiding the conversation. He knows it will put him in a poor mood, possibly for the rest of the week. But they can’t avoid it forever.

They’re sitting at his kitchen counter and he’s been coaxing Bokuto through his homework at a tedious pace. Deciding they need a break anyways, he starts.

“Bokuto-san, have you thought about where you want to go to college?”

“Well, all I know I wanna go pro, so I don’t really care about where. I just plan on getting my degree and going straight into the league.”

“That’s not a very solid plan, you need to think these things through in advance you know.”

“I knowww, that’s just so boring though.”

He’s pouting as he lays his head on the table top. He pulls at his own fingers, trying to think of the gentlest way to bring the topic up with the least amount of damage possible.

“Have you thought about us? About what will happen between us?”

He’s clearly taken aback, as expected, and he lifts his head. His face isn’t giving any indication as to what he’s thinking about.

“I don’t know, I just figured we would figure out when the time comes. I know you probably want to go to a different university than me and that’s fine, we could get an apartment together when you graduate high school.”

He has a hand on his chin.

“OO! We can get a cat too! Or a dog...or just some plants since we might not be home enough to take care of them.”

He purposefully ignores how he calls a hypothetical shared apartment home. He expected a similar answer, but that didn’t prevent the dread that followed. _He’s just assumed we would stay together_. Carefully he tries.

“Bokuto-san, you know college is for four years, at different universities we would hardly see each other, even with a shared apartment. And the league holds a tight schedule and you travel a lot.”

He looks at him like he’s still waiting for him to explain the issue. But then he’s shaking his head and smiling.

“Don’t worry about that now, that’s totally far into the future. We can make it work if we try and I know we will, right?”

It hurts, he knows he’s just brushing it away, and he can’t help but let him. Maybe it’s his own selfishness, his desperateness to keep living in this fairytale. They’re only putting off the inevitable and they both know it. But he can’t help but indulge in his hopefulness when he answers with a small sigh of recognition.

“Right.”

He must have not looked convincing enough because he continues as he reaches out to tuck away a stray piece of hair behind his ear. 

“Mind over matter is magic, Akaashi. If you think about it it’ll be over in no time and then after we get our degrees and can do whatever we want!”

_If only it were that simple._

“Okay Bokuto-san, if you say so.”

He places his own hand on his face and watches as the man in front of him melts into the touch. He closes his eyes as he feels him gently grab that hand and press kisses to all of his fingers and against his palm.

~~~~~

“Bokuto-san, I thought I asked you to stop doing that.”

Snapping out of his gaze, he reluctantly leaves his daydream and comes back to reality. He still isn't used to _not_ being able to stare at Akaashi.

“Ah, sorry Akaashi. Force of habit.”

Even though they’re only sitting about a foot apart on the same bench, it feels like there’s a whole world between them. Silence has never been something comfortable for him and normally, Akaashi would listen to him ramble on about whatever had caught his attention. But things were different now. _They_ were different now.

He had never been a man of regrets, until now. Because all he wants is to pretend like the man next to him is the only man in the world. To give him his undivided attention and receive his in return. He misses the escape, how he could just pretend like nothing else mattered. Because it was him and Akaashi and as long as that was the case, he would always be okay. 

He can’t quite pinpoint what he regrets. What is there to regret about anything involving Akaashi? But there has to be something, because somewhere along the line he messed up and now there is no him and Akaashi.

When practice ends, it’s apparent that it wasn’t a productive one. His mood swings got the better of him, again, and the tension between the setter and spiker was palpable to the entire team. He decides to stay behind to practice his serves, too hesitant to ask Akaashi to set to him after missing so many during practice. _Too hesitant to talk to him._

Serve after serve goes by, but nothing works. He knows his palm is burning, but it’s hardly affecting him. He knows he should be exhausted, but he’s still restless. He’s confused and lost and overwhelmed-

“Bokuto-san, you should go home. It’s late.”

He whips his head around and can’t stop the way his heart automatically clenches at the sight. He knows he needs to get over him, but that didn’t mean it would be easy.

“Right Akaashi, I will soon.”

He knows he’s considering pushing harder. _He’s not the only one with old habits._ His brows slightly pinch in the way they get when he’s holding back. _Please, just say it._ But instead he just quietly sighs and his face goes back to it’s neutral resting position. 

He goes back to serving because he knows if he looks into his eyes any longer, he won't be able to stop himself from running over and never letting him go. When he’s lost in the rhythm again, he notices that he hasn’t left yet. Normally, he wouldn’t mind his presence, he still doesn’t, but he also knows it’s late and that Akaashi has no obligation to stay and watch over him anymore. After briefly pondering over it, he decides to say speak up. 

“Um, Akaashi...Do you, uh, do you need anything? Not that you’re bothering me or anything! You never bother me, hah, no..Wait no, yes! You never bother me-”

“Bokuto-san, you really should be on your way home.”

He’s pulling on his fingers, _so this is hard for him too._ He can’t bring himself to argue with Akaashi, he’s too used to trusting his judgment over any and everything else.

“You’re right, I guess I’ll start cleaning up.”

As he starts picking up the scattered volleyballs, he’s surprised to catch him doing the same out of the corner of his eye.

“Wait Akaashi, you don’t have to. This is my mess, I can clean it up.”

“It’s alright, It’ll be more efficient for the both of us to do it. I’m already here anyways so it’s no problem.”

His voice still sounds as rich and velvety as usual, but hidden within the vibrato is a tinge of sadness he can’t help but feel guilty for.

When the gym is tidied up, he finds himself staring off at the doors. Lost in his reminiscing, he misses the first few times Akaashi calls out to him. He can’t stop the words that overflow from his mind.

“I’m sure we’re taller in another dimension.”

“Bokuto-san, what are you-”

And when Bokuto turns to look back at him, he feels like his already shattered heart turns to dust. His eyes are glassy but he’s giving him a wide smile that looks painful for him to project. 

“You say we’re small and not worth the mention.”

The dust settles, and with the last of his energy, he forces the words to come out. 

“We talked about this already. You and I both know we wouldn’t last after you graduate. Our paths are taking us in opposite directions. I can’t just sit by your side and get dragged across the country for your own career. I have my own goals and aspirations and it would be best for the both of us to stop while we’re ahead. ”

He thought it would be easier since they’ve already had this conversation countless other times. But every word feels like glass in his throat because he’s still trying to convince himself that he believes what he’s saying.

“We could vacay, there’s places to go!”

“Bokuto-san-”

“Clearly this isn’t all that there is-”

“Stop. Just, stop. Please.”

What feels like hours is merely a few minutes where the only sound is the quiet chirps of the crickets and cicadas outside.

“This is what’s best, for me and you. A relationship isn’t in the cards for us. It’s not the end of the world Bokuto-san, we can still be friends and we will still see each other at practice. I can’t have you constantly thinking about what could be in a life that isn’t this one.”

“But we’re so okay here, we’re doing fine?”

He can’t help the small edge his tone has but it’s miniscule compared to the tidal wave of emotions drowning him on the inside. Akaashi looks mildly shocked at the sudden change, but the expression is gone as quick as it came. _He looks defeated._

It’s quiet again. Something he doesn’t think he’s going to get used to. Part of him knows he’s right, but why can’t they just try? They could at least give it some effort, they were worth that much at least, right?

When Akaashi speaks, it’s like he’s answering the voice in his own head. 

“You’re meant for so much more, you know that, right?”

He gives him a puzzled look that causes him to continue.

“You, Bokuto-san, have unlimited potential. You have this insatiable drive and passion for this sport. It’s admirable to say the least.”

He notices the twitch at the side of his lips that he quickly recovers from.

“I know you won’t settle for mediocre and I don’t want you to. I want the whole world to know who Bokuto Kotaro is and love him as much as I do.”

He thinks that the blue in his eyes looks too watery for his own liking.

He watches his shoulders slump as his head drops. The words he speaks next come out as painful for him to say. 

“But you want to be with someone like me. Someone who is average and plain. Someone who doesn’t have the same zest for life. I know you don’t like looking too far into the future, but I do. And I know I would only drag you down. I want a simple life where I can settle down in peace, not travelling around the world. And I know you’d drop everything for me but that’s exactly what I hate. You would willingly throw away a once in a lifetime talent for me, an ordinary person.”

He understands what heartbreak feels like watching that single tear run down his face. It’s the first time (and the last time) he hears Akaashi’s voice waver.

“You dream of walls that hold us imprisoned.”

He can’t breathe watching them multiply.

“You, Bokuto-san, are meant for so much more than me. And now that we’re not together, I can sleep soundly at night knowing you’re out there living the life you should be living. Because that’s all I want for you more than anything in this entire world, more than anything that I feel for you.”

He sweeps a tear off his cheek as he finally looks up to meet his eyes.

“So, now we’re free to roam. But no matter what, I’ll always, _always_ be rooting for you.”

And when he smiles at him, it’s the first time it doesn’t make him want to jump out of his skin from sheer happiness. He turns to leave and he can’t find any words that would make him stay.

“Goodnight, Bokuto-san.”

And he disappears behind the double doors. Without warning or permission, he sobs. He sobs because his heart just left with the man who stood before him only moments earlier. He sobs because he knows Akaashi is right. He sobs because he forced him to make the hardest decision for the both of them because he was too much of a coward to look at things for the way they actually are. 

When his tears finally empty out and all he can do is gasp and choke on his breath, he gathers his things and makes his way home. He walks with lead feet, not bothering to be aware of his surroundings, as he lets his muscle memory carry him down the path. His final thoughts before sleep can take him is what they’re both doing in another dimension. If they’re together and happy because in that lifetime, Bokuto wasn’t born to be one of the greatest athletes of his time. He thinks he wouldn’t mind being mediocre or ordinary if he could just have Akaashi. But unfortunately for him, he's an ever moving shooting star, bound for greater things, and Akaashi was just a lucky bystander.

**Author's Note:**

> ta da! it's a series. i'll come back to fix any small mistakes but here you guys go. sorry if the characterization isn't perfect, i wrote most of this before i got into the later chapters of the manga where bokuto and akaashi's characters are more detailed. hope you enjoy!


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